A person with well-developed emotional intelligence, a healthy set of emotional skills, empathy, and a healthy self-esteem will rarely invalidate another person's feelings, especially not the feelings of a sensitive child.
And yet, it is neither illegal, "immoral" nor even widely recognized as a problem.
A healthier response, one which is both informative and assertive, without being aggressive, is to simply express your feelings clearly and concisely. So I suppose they think they can tell someone how to feel and, then like magic, that will work, too.
For example, you might respond, "I feel invalidated," "I feel mocked," or "I feel judged." One factor common to most people who self-injure, whether they were abused or not, is invalidation. Now I am wondering,..someone says, "Don't think so much," how does one do that?
For example, let's say I am traveling with someone and I say I am afraid someone could come into our room and steal my laptop computer if they keep leaving the door unlocked. They started talking about some of their friends, smiling and laughing. I wondered how the three adults could stand there and laugh while that boy stood there alone, troubled now not only about school but also because no one was interested in his troubles. As long as you are active, you can't feel your emotional pain. " She said, "Because I don't want you to think so much." Then I was quiet for a moment.
If they tell me "don't worry", then I am more worried, because they are not taking my fear seriously and they may just keep leaving the door unlocked. Meanwhile all three of them completely ignored the boy. This made her very uncomfortable and she said, "Don't look so serious." I said, "Why not?
Such a sad scenario appears to be even more likely when the person being invalidated is highly sensitive, intelligent and has previously suffered self-esteem damage.
When we are invalidated by having our feelings repudiated, we are attacked at the deepest level possible, since our feelings are the innermost expression of our individual identities. As a parent I want to teach my kids these things Ive learned.
Telling a person she shouldn't feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard. Whether we like or understand someone's feelings, they are still real. So when they felt bad or angry I tried to help them find a way to make themselves feel better.
Rejecting feelings is rejecting reality; it is to fight nature and may be called a crime against nature, "psychological murder", or "soul murder." Considering that trying to fight feelings, rather than accept them, is trying to fight all of nature, you can see why it is so frustrating, draining and futile. Let's look at the facts." Businesses, for example, and "professionals" are traditionally out of balance towards logic at the expense of emotions. I didnt think I was telling them what they were feeling was wrong, I thought I was passing on what I had learned.
A good guideline is: People with high IQ and low EQ tend to use logic to address emotional issues. This tends to alienate people and diminish their potential. Things such as: When you find yourself thinking a negative thought Ill never Im not No one turn it around and say the opposite I will I am One or many . Or how about not dwelling on the things you cant change, focus on those things in your control? Sad, Confused, Scared Mom I met someone once who said her boyfriend was jealous. She said she tells him he has no reason to be jealous!